i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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