Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
