party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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