so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
