at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
