k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
