How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
