you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
