hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So much rum. So many feels.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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