If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
