I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
