your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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