I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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