I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
