Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize