In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
