I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
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