She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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