apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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