TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
