walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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