She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
