Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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