sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Found the puke drawer
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think a kid would responsible me up
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
