these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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