I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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