You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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