Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
