Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
