Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
