just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
