So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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