i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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