I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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