Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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