Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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