My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
