Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
