I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
