The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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