Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
