sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
