Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
