so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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