my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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