I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
