Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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