can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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