I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
