On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize