yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
3pm strippers are depressing
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
