I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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