When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize