yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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