if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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