he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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