I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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