so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
