Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Is Oprah even human
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
