We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
