I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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