it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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