I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
