Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
