Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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