Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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