The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
