Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
