The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
What drink are we having for lunch?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
