I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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