Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
