I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
