Your face is a jimmy john
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize