If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
my liver is dry heaving
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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