Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
