When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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