started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Church boner. Awkwardddd
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
