No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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