When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
How does one acquire holy water?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
