...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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