good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize