I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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