Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize