he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
