Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
