no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
