I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She bit a glass in half.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
