I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
