i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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