i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
