I think I just saw someone hide a body.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
