Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
