i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
