Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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