Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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