Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
