i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
