You smell like a Billy Joel song
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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