Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
