You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
