I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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