sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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