Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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