Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
