So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
