Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
