Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
